When i was asked to try the first task, i was nervous and yet wanting to do it.  I too wanted to test my own boundaries being out of place like that. Tho at the same time i knew i can overcome the awkwardness just by throwing myself at it. On top of it, i felt this would be easy.

I stood in silence and with my eyes closed. At first a million thoughts ran through my head of which i cant exactly remember, but then i allowed myself to be and allowed myself in that space. I became aware of the sounds around me, the people walking by with their conversations. Some about bags and some about “whats going on here ?”

The strange thing tho i didn’t really feel out of place internally and externally. I felt that the environment and the people that make up that environment was more accepting to me being that like that as compared to jamie’s try. I didn’t sense or feel any harsh or negative energy towards my presence (probably why i could be there that long). No one bumped into me, not even a slight brush. It was as if it was quite normal for something like that to be happening at that time.

I was filming when jamie had her try, and i realized i was quite far away to feel her fear that she felt. All i was focused on was capturing her on video and the people’s response if any.

Discussing it with her about her as a female feeling vulnerable made me realize that i didn’t even think of that before hand. Only when she mentioned it that i thought to myself and out loud “oh yeah ? how come i didn’t consciously think of that ? I did assume nothing like that was going to happen, i only foresaw that people would laugh or be awkward towards it. But thinking back of course i would have done something if anything like that were to happen, but just didn’t consciously prepare for it. Taking for granted the negotiations of boundaries perhaps…

Also i thought this whole female dimension to it could have contributed to the fact that Jamie got bumped quite abit. When she was doing it, i did feel like she was more out of place compared to my try. The people seemed to be more aware of her presence then mine. Looking at the videos, it confirmed my feelings as i do see more varied reactions in Jamie’s video then in mine.

Was it because that I’m a guy and that why it’s ok to be vulnerable like that in public. So the public allows it ? (like somehow when we think of a guy we assumed that it’s ok, like lesser to lose as compared to a woman, you know like things i heard growing up, you a girl you know, you cant simply etc etc. Im saying this so you know what im trying to say here, does it convey that here ?)

Was that also why i felt it would be easy to do it ? was part of me feeling not out of place because of this widely accepted view ? If so, that means i didn’t really push any boundaries eh ?

For the second task, It was harder then expected. I was surprised by the video to see that i was actually quite far from the couple that i caught up to. When i was doing it, i felt like i was so close. I could hear their conversations and it seemed that they were on a date and just starting to know each other. heh. I did feel if i were to go any closer i would be pushing it to far. I was aware of this constant still tension between me and the couple. This tension was the thing that kept me at bay from not going to close. However at one point i consciously wanted to push it as i told myself, what the heck, just whack ah. I tried but the tension got to me and i couldn’t get closer. (it really felt like magnetism, repelling)(i wanna talk about why but i dunno why)

jamie’s post note: there were certain variables just in this two tries alone, and i went along conscious of the variables for the sake of play and what was curious for us at the moment. for the first task, i stood closer to the entrance/exit of the underpass, while eugene was someway forward, in the middle. my assumption is that people are oriented by the time they get to the middle of the underpass. as much as we commute frequently, daily even for many, on this underpass, there is an amount of negotiation each time - in terms of dodging people giving out fliers or asking for surveys, or just moving with/against the crowd. physically, where i stood gave people less time to understand that something different is happening in the space. although, the dialogue of male/female is definitely interesting to continue on.

with the second task, eugene found a couple as his subjects. perhaps the tension he speaks of is a result of that inward focus a couple would have as they are engaged in each other, and hence “more challenging” to “break through.” perhaps simply put, it’s about being noticed. we also discussed what it would be like for a group of people.

it is with interest that we will go on another play date, repeating some of these tasks, taking into consideration these variables i.e. swop positions in the first task, and me approaching a couple, and him a single person. and attempting a group approach as well.

in other news, interest in the project is growing. people are curious about the tasks and keen to participate as players.